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Pod utro ona vstala, podoshla k stolu, horoshen'ko grohnula komp'yuter ob pol, zatem vyinesla vse diski na pomoyku i legla obratno s shirokoy ulyibkoy prizhavshis' k spine muzha. Zhit' ey ostavalos' ne bol'she chasa... ----------------- Vyishel DOOMer na ulicu, a na nego gruzovik prt. - "A pofig! Ya zh sohranilsya!". ----------------- 95 i 98 - yeto kolichestvo oshibok. V procentah. ----------------- - Kakoy tvoy lyubimyiy sayt? - about:blank ----------------- Programmer zhivet na 12 yetazhe. Posle rabotyi vhodit k sebe v pod'ezd, zahodit v lift, nazhimaet 1, potom 2, a potom sudorozhno is'het klavishu "Enter"... ----------------- Is'hu poklonnikov MicroSoft. Naydu - ub'yu! ----------------- Fatal Error. Please, do NOT REPORT TO MICROSOFT! (Perevod: Fatal'naya oshibka. Pozhaluysta, NE soobs'hayte v Maykrosoft!) ----------------- On byil nastol'ko glup, chto dazhe knopka "svernut' vse okna" nahodilas' na rabochem stole... ----------------- Vas privetstvuet programma ustanovki Windows! Otkin'tes' v kresle, rasslab'tes', zakroyte glaza i molites'... ----------------- Bogomater'.ico ----------------- Bol'shoy programme bol'shie glyuki ----------------- - Vyi zametili kak byistro rabotaet Win ME? - Ya tozhe net! ----------------- Stoit babka (B) v pod'ezde i dolbitsya klyuchem v pochtovyiy yas'hik! Nikak ne mozhet ego otkryit'! Idet programmer (P). (B) - Yas'hik ne otkryivaetsya, pomogite... (P) - Povtorite popyitku cherez paru chasov. Veroyatno nepoladki na servere ----------------- Hedokumentipovannyie oshibki Windows 95. Tpehtomnik. ----------------- Esli v kpane net vodyi, to vsemy vinoy Vindyi! ----------------- HeWINnyiy mip... ----------------- Udvoyte skorost' vashego kompa: @DEL C:\WINDOWS\*.* i vash komp budet gruzit'sya polsekundyi. ----------------- Zarazites' virusom: @ECHO FORMAT C: /AUTOTEST /Q >>C:\autoexec.bat i sleduyus'haya zagruzka proydt byistro, tiho, i nezametno. ----------------- Pri nabore teksta vyidaetsya: "Idiotskaya oshibka! Vashi ruki sovershili idiotskuyu oshibku i budut otorvanyi." ----------------- Tretiy den' sidit za monitorom programmist Petrov i ne mozhet zapustit' programmu! Rekomenduem emu sest' pered monitorom! ----------------- Ona (ulyibayas' i glyadya vdal'): - ... vse-taki chelovek dolzhen prosyipat'sya i videt' nebo... On (otkryivaya butyilku s pivom): - Dlya yeto dostatochno protyanut' ruku i nazhat' Power. ----------------- Mal'chik provayderu dolgo zvonil, ne dozvonilsya - poshel i ubil. ----------------- V komp'yuternuyu firmu prihodit tetka koloritnoy derevenskoy vneshnosti: - Ya tut u vas kovrik dlya myishey kupila. Tak vot, - myishi po nemu begayut i ne dohnut. Mozhet, ego vodoy nado polivat'? ----------------- - Dorogoy, ya kazhetsya beremenna! - Abort, Retry, Ignore? ----------------- Ob'yavlenie: "Pol'zovateli Windows!!! Zakryivayte okna!.. Ne may mesyac..." ----------------- Nazhmite "Yes"! Es'he! Format complete... ----------------- A rar`chik prosto otkryivalsya! ----------------- Idet zagruzka Windows'2000 - prihodite zavtra! ----------------- Za stenoyu kriki, matyi, Azh stena vibriruet, To Foma kupil komp'yuter, Windows instaliruet! ----------------- Igra "O, schastlivchik": Igrok: - Proshu ubrat' dva nevernyih varianta. Vedus'hiy: - Itak, dorogoy komp'yuter, uberite, pozhalusta, dva nevernyih varianta. Nadpis' na monitorah: "Programma vyipolnila nedopustimuyu operaciyu i budet zakryita". ----------------- Kak na ulice otlichit' DOOMera? Po pohodke. Oni za ugol ne zavorachivayut, a bokom zahodyat. ----------------- Windows sovmestima tol'ko s odnim formatom - format c: ----------------- Idet podgotovka k zavisaniyu komp'yutera. ----------------- Geymer popyitalsya zalezt' v nabityiy avtobus, no kak tol'ko on postavil nogu na pervuyu stupen'ku, tolpa vyitolknula ego obratno. "Tried to connect but server was full!" - podumal geymer... ----------------- Dlya uhoda za pozhilyim programmistom trebuetsya priyatnaya zhens'hina, govoryas'haya na FORTRAN, BASIC i S++. ----------------- Stoit programmist pered svetoforom: - Nikak ne mogu ponyat', chto tam za videoadapter: u Gerkulesa - 2 cveta, u CGA - 4, u EGA - 16, u VGA -256, u XGA - 65535, a 3-h - nu ni u kogo net! ----------------- - Prostite, a skol'ko zanimaet Windows? - Skol'ko nahodit - stol'ko i zanimaet... ----------------- Telefonnyiy zvonok. Haker snimaet trubku: - Connect 19200. ----------------- Esli zavis komp'yuter - vyiderni shnur, vyidavi steklo ----------------- Sem' bed - odin reset ----------------- Com.bat, batyanya, batyanya, com.bat ----------------- Mat' programmista zahodit v komnatu, smotrit na indikator, i shvativshis' za golovu: - Ah, tyi uzhe 66 chasov rabotaesh'?! Tot, otzhimaya "turbo": - Het, tol'ko 33 ----------------- - Stoy! Kuda idsh'? - Tuda... - A razreshenie est'? - A kak zhe! 800 na 600! ----------------- Razgovor dvuh programmistov: - Tyi slyishal, Kostya umer. - A on zapisalsya? ----------------- Modem s boduna snimaet trubku: - Gav! Myayauuuu.. Karrr! T'fu, pi-i-i-i-i-... ----------------- Chetyirnacatider'movyiy monitor. ----------------- "Dlya prodolzheniya ustanovki Win-2000 vstav'te 45234-yu disketu" ----------------- Billu Geytsu ppisvoili zvanie gpafa - tepep' on DeBill Geyts! ----------------- DOOM'er smotrit fil'm "Chuzhie IV": - Dura, sohranyaysya... sohranyaysya!!! ----------------- Esli u vas vonyaet pod myishkoy, pomoyte kovrik. ----------------- Ventilyatop nyzhen chtobyi zacacyivat' komapov chepez dickovod... ----------------- Rasskazhite samyiy korotkiy anekdot! PKUNZIP.ZIP !!!!! ----------------- |
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